Money, Bugs and Florence.

One afternoon after I had collected Grace from school she asked me if I knew who Florence Nightingale was. I was really impressed and excited that she was sharing what she had learnt with me until she asked if I could find her a video to watch... 'I saw a video today but I missed out on the soldier bit because Miss Harper thought it might be too scary. She said we wouldn't like to see that bit because all the soldiers had been hurt in the war but I'm almost five. I'm big enough to see some blood...'

The other day Grace was colouring while sitting at the dining table. I'd left the radio on and she seemed pretty happy to be left to it. Not long after Neil and I were sitting in the lounge room when Grace came in and announced 'Daddy,  the people on the radio are talking about you. I heard them say your name... It was a hospital man and he said ''Neil Jones was visiting the hospital''. And that is you Daddy...'
Neil tried explaining that maybe it was about somebody else named Neil Jones but Grace couldn't be talked around 'No Daddy, It must have been about you from when you broke your hand at football'.

The same afternoon, Grace decided that she didn't like bugs (again).
'Daddy! There is a wasp in the kitchen. Get rid of it, I don't like it'. She stomped into the living room with both hands on her hips.
Neil replied, 'Don't worry, I think that's a fly and not a wasp'.
Still behaving rather bossily, she demanded 'Just come get rid of it anyway Daddy!'
Neil shook his head and said 'No I can't spray it, Mummy doesn't like when I do'.
So Grace asked him why. Trying to pass the buck on to me, Neil said 'Mummy thinks the sprays are bad for you so she doesn't let me use them'.
Pushing her luck, Grace slyly asked 'So what happens if you spray the bug anyway?'...
To put a stop to the nagging, Neil shot back 'I'm not going to spray the bug Grace'.
Keen to have the last word, Grace asked cheekily 'Well then what happens if the bug sprays you?'....

This afternoon we aimed to give Grace a really basic understanding of money by discussing some basic chores she could do in exchange for pocket money. The cost of each chore ranges in price from 1p to 20p for each chore depending on how small or big the task is. For example, she can earn 1p for doing her homework after school or for simply brushing her teeth or even 20p for letting me wash her hair (According to Grace, hair washing night is the worst thing to ever happen to a little girl) giving Grace the chance to earn up to £4.00 per week if she does every job on the list. It seemed that it was all making sense and I was confident that she was grasping the concept when she got to talking about the job she plans to have when she grows up.
'Mummy, I'm going to work in a shop when I'm older. And I'll be richer than everybody else because people will give me all their money. And I won't be silly and give them any money back ever... No Mummy, it won't be their change. it will be my money...Because! They gave me all their money first! So I don't have to give them anything back. Ever... And when I'm a grown up I'll buy all my own sweets and magazines. I can even buy them whenever I want too'...
 

This one, That One, Another One, One More and The Last One

With my upcoming redundancy Grace and I have been talking jobs. According to Grace I could stay at home and look after her. But she plans to pay me with pennies. 'But not too many pennies or she might run out...' Her other great suggestion is that I could work at the local garden centre. 'If you worked at the Garden Centre, I could come and visit you any time I wanted...Yes I know I can see

you at home anytime. But at the garden centre I could also see all of the fish...' 

 

Grace has a crush. A very scary yucky crush.
The other morning before school, I spied her giving a little boy in her class a cuddle. She then leant in close and gave him a kiss on the cheek. A KISS ON THE CHEEK! Oh. My. Gosh. Just wow! And I have to say I was a little relieved when he wriggled free of her grasp to run away. But it seemed a little pointless since she only chased after him anyway. He managed to lose her somewhere out on the basketball courts. She gave up the chase and then came skipping back over to me. She didn't seem disappointed.
But while I was laughing with one of the other mum's and discussing just how grown up all of the kids seem to be when that same little boy came running over to her. He wrapped his little arms around her then gave her a big kiss. ON THE MOUTH... It was only a peck but I stopped laughing pretty quickly.
They said they grow fast but not this fast!

I think being a Diva may come a little too naturally to Grace.
She had her first school disco this week and we had a lovely time getting her all dressed up for it. With some persuasion, I let her wear some makeup. Nothing to crazy - just a little lip gloss, blush and ummm... mascara. Yep. Mascara! 'Mummy can I wear mascara? Why not? I know my eyelashes are beautiful. But with some mascara I can have pretty lashes like you!'. Because sometimes flattery really does get you what you want. But look at just how lovely she looks!

 

I stayed at the Disco for about ten minutes or so to make sure that Grace was all settled in. Before leaving I gave her a couple of glow sticks so she could really rock out. Unfortunately she burst one pretty much straight away. It went all over my coat and I'm pretty sure my parts of my face were glowing a pretty shade of highlighter pink! But I took that as my cue to leave. At home I had about an hour to kill. The first thing I did was scrub my coat because while 'You're glowing' is always a great compliment, I'm not sure that 'Hey man, your elbow is looking so fluorescent these days' really counts as much of a compliment. And then I spent the next forty minutes pacing the kitchen and clanking at the clock while eating a carrot. I think I was more than a little nervous for her. But in next to no time, it was time to go pick her up.
After the Disco, Grace was sitting eating some pasta with Neil and me. We were discussing how her evening had gone and then we got around to talking about boys and how you mustn't go about kissing them. Ever. Never Ever (I really can't stress this 'never' business enough). But according to Grace she has a 'front friend' and a 'back friend'. At first this statement raised some eyebrows. But after some questioning it was explained...
'Mummy, I have five friends... Yes friends. And my friends are boys. So they are my boyfriends. This one, That One, Another One, One More and The Last One' (Okay, just to explain that is obviously not their names but that amounts to what I heard her say). As she listed them off she counted them each on her hand. 'This One is my front friend and The Last One is my back friend. My front friend is the one I like the best. And The Last One is the friend that I like the least because sometimes he doesn't want to sit near me. Actually I think maybe he isn't really my friend. I don't really like him at all. So he is my back friend...' (It makes complete sense if you think about it). 'And This One is my favourite. We pretend to be firemen together. I like him the best. I like him so much that I Just want to give him a big kiss!' So I told her what she needed to hear - Kissing boys makes you turn into a boy. So that should be the end of that.

 

Hello thunder cloud - we meet again!

 Those of you who have read my recent face book posts will be familiar with the Thunder Cloud situation at Grace’s school. And given that Grace has a strong personality, it might not surprise you that we’ve had another run in with said thunder cloud. Now Grace is a good girl and while I think she is pretty special she does have her moments that can test the adults in her life, but like everybody she is learning that there are consequences for bad behaviour. And at school the typical punishment for naughtiness seems to result in a stint of being ‘put on thunder cloud’. Now I don’t know what this thunder cloud is or what it involves but according to Grace it is the absolute worst so you can imagine the mood she was in the other day when she was for the second time, placed on said cloud.

When I picked her up at home-time, she stormed out of the class room and threw her book bag and coat at my feet then stomped up the path towards the school gate. After stooping to collect her things, I hurried up the path after her. Don’t be fooled by her little legs. They can move pretty fast so I was a little out of puff when I finally caught up to her. Choosing my words carefully, I asked whether she had had a good day. She didn’t answer. Walking hand in hand, we crossed the road in silence. I asked her again how her day had been if something bad had happened. This did the trick – ‘I had a yucky horrible thundery day! My teacher put me on the thunder cloud and now I’m really, really cross with her!’ After some questioning, I discovered that Grace and her teacher had fallen out over who's job it was to lead the class...'She told me that I have to be quiet when it's her time to talk but she talks all of the time! When is it going to be my turn ? And why do we all have to do what she says? It's not fair! I wanted my friends to play 'Numberjacks' with me but she said we all had to practise writing our names on our white boards! It's just silly. I know how to write my name'...
Oh dear! Needless to say, the rest of the walk home involved much discussion about how she should behave during class time and why it's important to listen to and follow her teacher.  Let's hope we don't have any more run ins with any more stormy weather.

Because Elephants have wrinkles...

Tonight Grace stood and watched me as I covered my face in a thick night moisturiser...

'Mummy, are you putting cream on because your face is sore?'
'No my face is fine. I'm just putting on cream to stop me from getting any wrinkles'.
Screwing her face up she asked 'But what happens if you put wrinke cream on your face when you don't have any wrinkles?'
Hearing this question made my heart skip a quick beat. Was this a compliment? from Grace??? Feeling quite pleased with how sweet Grace can be, I thought I'd fish for another compliment or two... 'Nothing happens. You just keep your skin happy. Why? Don't I have any wrinkles?'
This would have been the ideal point for her to say no.  But instead I copped the very cruel 'Yes. You do. There is lots of them!'...
She then began a very exhaustive list of how much my face wrinkles up when I laugh, smile, look cross, yawn, talk, brush my teeth, breathe.

She then started to sing. A very beautiful but cruel rendition of 'Elephants have wrinkles, wrinkles, wrinkles, Elephants have wrinkles, wrinkles everywhere!'

Maybe she could be my Aunt Jean..

Things for our family have been pretty hectic lately hence the lack of any posts in the last month or so but here is a lovely moment that Grace and I shared last month.  Before the end of day light savings and whilst it was still reasonably light at 5:30pm: 

Because things were so busy Grace and I were having to snatch whatever moments we could just to spend a little mummy-daughter time together. One evening, Neil dropped Grace off at my work so that we could share the walk home together. Our walk started off with her chirping about her day with her Nana and Owen and then it somehow carried off into a moving performance of a bear hunt. At some point between swishing and swashing through the tall, tall grass and finding the bear in a pretend dark cave Grace stopped the game, turned to me and whispered 'Mummy, please don't be sad anymore'. I was taken aback. 

This year my parents separated. And in the past few months I’ve become painfully aware that the familiarity of 'Home' back in Melbourne no longer exists and I had been feeling down about it. You don’t realise just how busy and short life is until you blink one day and realise three years has passed. And the recent death of a very dear great Aunt back in September had made me pretty miserable but I thought I’d done a pretty good job of hiding those feelings from Grace. It turns out intuitively, my little girl knows me better than anybody else. So much so that not even a make believe game couldn’t disguise how I had really been feeling. 

 She continued on ‘You know mummy if it would make you feel better, I could be your great Aunt. But not today because I’m wearing jeans and she probably liked wearing skirts…'

The good little witch

On Saturday morning Grace was performing with her preschool class at the day dare centre's Halloween themed charity fundraising/open day. All the kids were going in costume and in true me fashion, I'd been so busy that I'd forgotten to make Grace a costume. Bad Mum!

And so there we were, Friday night, racing down to Hobby Craft to get a few bits and bobs to make her a costume. On the way down to the shops, I thought I'd ask Grace what she wanted to dress up as. Clapping her hands gleefully she commanded 'I'm going to be a pretty mermaid with legs like Ariel. Make me a tail mummy!'
Unfortunately for Grace her determination to be a mermaid was no match for my determination for her to pick an easier costume to make. I’d already had a look on line at and decided that a no-sew tulle skirt would make a great addition to a witches costume. So we argued the whole journey to the shops. And as usual, my arguments with Grace are about 90% ridiculousness versus 10% sense…

 'Sorry Grace but I don't think mermaids come out at Halloween. What if you be a scary witch instead?'
Shaking her head, she said ‘But I’m not really a nasty old witch. So I’m just going to have to be a mermaid instead mummy’.
Raising my eyebrows and smirking at the irony in her statement, I wasn’t ready to give in yet. ‘Well Halloween is about being tricky and causing mischief. I don’t think Ariel is naughty or sneaky. So I don’t think you should be a mermaid this time’.
Looking horrified that I would even think to suggest that a mermaid would be anything but divine, she folded her arms angrily and shouted ‘No Mummy! Mermaids are beautiful and good. And I’m a lovely little girl so that is what I want to be!’

Not quite put in my place, I battled on. ‘Well you’re already beautiful and good. But Halloween gives you a chance to pretend to be naughty. Wouldn’t you like to be a naughty witch? Besides all your friends will probably be dressed up as monsters. I don’t think a mermaid would really be happy in at a monster party. So wouldn’t you rather be a witch?’

Determined to be a mermaid she shook her head and appealed to my compassionate side. ‘No Mummy. I’m going to be a beautiful mermaid and be very nice to everybody. If was a nasty witch, I’d have to be mean and nasty. And then people would be sad and not have any fun. So I absolutely have to be a nice mermaid. Okay Mummy?’

I decided to get ridiculous and reason with her bizarre logic. ‘Yes but you don’t have to be an evil witch. You could just be a little bit cheeky and then people would still have fun. Besides, you have to sing and dance. How are you going to dance with fins?’

She kept her feet together and sat in her car seat flapping her feet like a fish. ‘Like this. It’s easy. You do it too. Come on Mummy. Let’s be mermaids together’.

I tried another tactic.  ‘Well I’m driving so I can’t be a mermaid but you can pretend for now. And then when we get to the shop we can pretend that you’re Ariel after she loses her voice and that way you can have legs so can wear a pretty skirt and be a witch, just for this weekend’.

She was still sat there staring out the window and flapping her non-existent tail when I heard her say in a very faint voice ‘But I like talking’.

And then all was quiet in the back until I heard some very quiet giggling. After a bit the giggling turned into a very sarcastic sounding laugh. Peering at her through the rear-view mirror, I asked her what she was doing. ‘I’m practicing my cackle for when I’m a witch. But I don’t sound very good’.

Going with flattery, I told her she sounded like a fantastic witch and suggested that she carry on practicing her cackle. It was quiet in the back again before she announced ‘Well I’ve been trying to turn you into a frog for a long time but you’re still a mummy so I’m just not very good at being a witch. So you’re going to have to just make me a mermaid costume Mummy’.

Almost ready to give in, I tried one last time to get her to give up on being a mermaid, ‘What if I let your pick the material and you choose a pretty pink and you can even help me make the skirt…'.

Turning her head to look me square in the eye she demanded 'Tell me more about this skirt!'...WIN! 

 With very little encouragement, she ended up choosing a pink Tulle and a black cobweb patterned fabric. By some miracle she also managed to channel her inner witch and get lippy with the poor sales assistant in Hobby Craft. 'Mummy is my fabric ready? Tell the lady to hurry up. Why hasn't she finished cutting it yet?' Then back at home, with Neils very reluctant help, the project only took a few hours to complete. We reckon she made a fantastic witch, even if she did insist that I call her the 'Pink Princess Witch'. What do you reckon?
 Inspiration for the skirt came from http://www.simplyrealmoms.com/posts/adorable-diy-no-sew-tutu/

Spider nests and peanut butter sandwiches for the foxes....

With my return to work I've been a little strapped for time but Grace has kept up with her usual hilarious self and so I have plenty of anecdotes to share so brace yourselves for a lengthy post. In fact, it might be best to grab a cuppa since this post might be quite a read!

Tonight Grace played a magic trick on me and I use the word ‘magic’ very, very loosely.
Holding a deck of cards out to me, she asked me to pick a card. So I did. She giggled as she stuffed the card I had picked behind the radiator. And then she held the deck of cards out to me again. 'Pick another one mummy!'.
Curious to see where this trick was headed, I happily obliged. Again she giggled away to herself as she stuffed the second card behind the radiator. And the game went on much the same as this. I picked card after card and every single one ended up stuffed behind the radiator. We must have gotten about half way through the deck before impatient curiosity got the better of me. 'What is so magical about all the cards hiding behind the radiator Grace?'
Shrugging she answered 'Nothing'.
'Then where is the trick?'
She shook her head and sighed. 'I don't know. Maybe It's hiding behind the radiator with all the cards. You should probably go and pick them up'...
Lovely. The best magic trick of my life, for sure.

Last night while getting ready for bed, Grace kept at me with a constant barrage of questions about animals and what they eat. Trying to avoid the nasty topic of animals eating their prey, I chose to make up a ridiculous fib instead.

'What do cows eat?'

'Grass'.

'Good girl Mummy. Do you know what elephants eat?'

'Peanuts'

'Yes. And now tell me what monkeys eat?'

'Bananas'.

'And how about sheep?'

'Grass'.

'And what about dogs? Go on Mummy. Tell me what they eat?'

'Kibble and bones?'

'Yes. And now tell me, what do ducks eat?'

'Bugs and bread?'

But then she changed the game. 'And what eats ducks Mummy?'

Less than prepared for this type of question, I decided fibbing was the best and easiest answer. 'Nobody eats ducks'.

'Why not?'

'Because ducks are lovely. I like ducks, so nobody eats them'.

It was obvious that I was lying. Standing with both hands on her hips and tapping one foot she demanded that I tell the truth. 'Tell me! What eats ducks?'

Caving under the pressure, I admitted that sometimes foxes do - but only when their incredibly hungry if there aren't any peanut butter sandwiches about. 

I expected her to be upset about the poor ducks. But it appeared that she was more concerned about the poor foxes that don't have enough sandwiches.

'Why did they run out of sandwiches Mummy? Were they greedy and did they eat them all? Perhaps we should make lots of sandwiches and hide them in the woods for the foxes so that they don't have to eat the ducks. Because I think peanut butter probably tastes nicer then a duck does'.

It's always easy to nod and agree then hope that she forgets these crazy plans.

She carried on with her questions. 'So come on Mummy. What do goats eat?'

'Straw'.

Dubiously, she laughed and tapped me on my head. 'Don't be ridiculous Mummy. You don't eat straw. You drink your milk with a straw. Sometimes you're so silly Mummy'…

Last weekend Grace & I went on a mother-daughter date. 

We chose to be adventurous and decided to get a bus into town to see a film at the cinema. After much debate, we decided to watch Monsters University. This was Grace's second trip to the cinemas and given the first time was last January, I had taken a little time to explain that people were very quiet in the cinemas. But perhaps I should have tried to explain a few other things as no sooner had we sat down, did Grace begin to fire questions at me. 

 'Why is it so dark? I don't like the dark. Ask them to put the lights on. No Mummy. I can see the screen fine with the lights on. Tell them now!'

 'Is this Harry Potter? Well I want to watch Harry Potter'. Turning to the older boy in the seat beside her she said 'Do you want to watch Harry Potter too?'.

'Can we watch Dora? Tell them to change the channel to Cbeebies. I want to watch Numberjacks'.

She made it through a good while but twenty minutes before the end of the film, she was adamant that she had had enough. 'Let's go Mummy. No I don't want to see the end. You can bring me back at Christmas time'....

The other night a spider smuggled inside, hiding in the clean washing.
I'd taken the basket into Graces room to put her clothes away when I saw it try to make a break for it. Without even thinking I gave it it a good wack with my shoe but then I had to get some tissue to clean the mess. Feeling slightly guilty with the 'blood' of a spider on my hands, the guilt was magnified when I head a little voice exclaim 'Mummy! What did you do?'

Busted! I had no idea how long she had been standing there but I wasn't about to admit to being a cold blooded bug murderer. So I lied. 'Nothing. Just..'

She cut me off before I had time to invent a good story. 'Is that a spider mummy?'

'Yes. But he is sleeping'.

'And what are you doing with him in the tissue?'

I tried to sound innocent and reasonable, 'Putting him outside'.

'Why?'

I struggled to find an acceptable answer 'Erm so that he could be with all his friends?'

And then I guiltily rabbited on 'He will probably like the garden better than your bedroom anyway'...

Shaking her head she said 'No. I don't think so'. 

I thought the game was up. But she went on...'I think he was looking for a nice warm nest. So maybe we should find somewhere inside for him'.

This took me by surprise. I never expected Grace to become an advocate of spider rights. Especially not given the completely irrational and very inconvenient fear of flies and other bugs she sometimes has. Not wanting to admit that a spider nest in my house sounded about as appealing as watching a never-ending marathon of The Teletubbies, I tried to offer up alternative suggestions to building a spider’s nest but she wasn't having any of it. 

'No Mummy. We must build a spider nest. I'm not going to bed until we do'…

And so there we were, just leaving inconspicuous bundles of odd socks around her room for the spiders to find. Except for dead Fred, he was safely flushed away. And when she finally fell fast asleep, I was in her room like a flash getting rid of every spider nest so as to make sure none of Fred’s mates even concidered it!

 I'm still got a bit more to catch up on so expect some more tomorrow night... 

Do fish have bums?

After being away for work since Sunday, I was keen to snuggle & watch a film with Grace.

I expected her to demand any of the usual favorites; The Rascals, The Land Before Time, Alice in Wonderland or Winnie the Pooh. But instead she chose the girly Disney classic 'The Little Mermaid'. We had watched most of the other films on repeat for such a long time that I'd forgotten about the million and one questions that Grace would harress me with through this new film...

'Why does Ariel live in a clam? Does she have a bed in there? I'd like to live in a clam. I'd have a pink, blue, green, yellow and white one and it would be nice. And you could visit but it would be to small for you to fit so you would need your own house'.

'Where are Ariels' friends? No mummy! Sebastion and Flounder aren't her real friends. Little girls don't have crab or fish friends'.

'Is Ariel a fish? She is a bit like a lady and a bit like a fish. But she doesn't have a bum. Do other fish have bums? How do they go to the toilet? I don't think there are any toilets in the sea. Sebastion is all right. I think he has a bum. Do crabs have bums?'....
 

No baby spinach for our garden...

After playing in the garden, Grace came inside to give me a cuddle. Her breath smelt suspiciously like plant-like;

'Grace, have you been eating anything?’

'Yeah'

'Have you been eating plants from the garden?'

'Will baby spinach grow into adult spinaches?’

‘Probably not’

‘Why not?’

‘Um… Because the farmers probably pick them out of the ground before they grow too big’
'Tell me the truth, is it because I keep eating them?’

‘Is that what you were eating outside?’

'I think baby spinach is for babies. And I'm not a baby so I'm not eating it ever again'.

'Were you eating spinach in the garden?'

'Or maybe baby spinach isn't a baby or for babies to eat. Maybe it's just a plant'.

'So you were eating spinach in the garden? Because there is no spinach in our garden'.

'Yes there is. There is baby spinach. I saw some'.

'When did you see some?'

'When I was eating it?'

'Can you show me what you were eating?'

'No. It's all gone now. I ate it all up'.

'I think it's best that we don't eat the plants in our garden. They aren't meant for eating'.

'So will I not have to eat salad any more?'

'You'll still have to eat salad just not the plants in the garden, okay?'

'But I like our spinach in the garden'.

'I don't think you ate spinach Grace'.

'I did. It's not going to be an adult now'

'Is that why you ate it?'

'Yeah'....

Today's little gems #3

Neil had cut the top off of a kiwifruit for Grace and given her a spoon to eat it with.
Holding up the kiwifruit, Grace exclaimed 'I've got a scrambled egg'.
Correcting her, Neil said 'Noooo, that's a kiwifruit'.
'Yes. But it looks a bit like a boiled egg daddy. So I've got a kiwi-egg'...
  
After being silent for some time, Grace said 'Gooseberries'.
'Gooseberries?' Neil and I asked.
'Yes. Gooseberries make you freezing'.
'Do you mean Goosebumps Grace?'
'Yes. If you go to bed with out the covers on and you wake up freezing. Then you get gooseberries'....

Grace was playing around with her toy stethoscope & toy thermometer, innocently skipping around the lounge room and then Neil thought it would be a wise idea to suggest that Grace ‘fix’ me.

Excitedly Grace exclaimed 'Oh yeah. Gosh Yeah. I'm coming to check your stomach Mummy'

'Why?'

'Because, you're feeling poorly'

Sighing, I lifted my shirt and sat back on the sofa so that she could place the stethoscope against my belly button. 'So, Doctor. What is wrong with me today?' I asked.

'Shhh' she whispered. 'I can hear the baby'.

‘And for the billionth time! There is no baby'

'Yes there is. 

'No there isn't'.

Nodding, she whispered 'There is and her name is Lily'

'Yeah? What is Lily doing then?'

'Oh, She is crawling about in there. But it's time that she went to bed now. Say goodnight Lily'.

'But there is no baby Grace'

Tutting and shushing me, she snapped 'I said say Goodnight to Lily'.

'Goodnight Lily'...

Neil and I were both sitting on the couch watching Grace play. She had lined up her doll's potty and the doll's bath and was playing a very methodical game that involved sitting on the potty and then standing in the bath. The potty itself is probably the size of a tiny a rockmelon and the bath isn't that much bigger. I let a few minutes pass, then as she was standing with both feet in the bath, I asked her what she was doing. Looking at me as thought as I was thick she said 'I'm putting myself in the bath. Silly Mummy'...